Chapter 16: 50 Attack and the Staff of Iban
“This is nothing but a toy! I’M RUUUUUUUUUUINED!” screamed Omegawytch.
I didn’t say a word. How do you argue with someone who is absolutely right?
The trouble began when Jagex introduced the Underground Pass quest. When Omegawytch found out that the quest reward was the ability to cast a spell which hits for up to 15 damage, she demanded that she be allowed to do the quest. I tried to warn her– read it for yourself!– but she insisted that a spell which hits 50 per cent harder than Fire Wave is exactly what she needs to punish predators pouncing on her pocket picking prey.
“Put on something black. We have some training to do,” I had replied. How do you argue with someone who is absolutely right?
Now, after totally ruining Omegawytch’s lovely low combat level by meeting the 50 Attack requirement for wielding the Staff of Iban, we had just discovered that the staff and the Iban Blast spell were, indeed, nothing but a toy.
The adventure began happily enough. To gain Attack and Agility levels, we had done the Tree Gnome Village quest and, as one last low-level brain over brawn adventure, killed the level 175 demon at 45 Combat to complete the Grand Tree quest. With Agility up to 32, we then did the Underground Pass quest, and Omegawytch obtained her precious Staff of Iban.
All the questing had brought Omega’s Attack to 30. We started thwacking Thugs in Edgeville Dungeon, hitting up to 4s with a Battlestaff of Fire assembled by Loraxx. Lots of herbs and runes, but the Attack XP was slower than it could be.
We bought an Adam 2hander and headed for the five level 9 Man spawns north of the Paladin tower– the place where, Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man, Omegawytch had reached 60 Defense to wear a Dragon Medium helm at 39 combat. With the Adam 2hander, Omega was hitting 5s, and training was fast. We were almost to 40 when Roxsolid123, who had previously showered Omegawytch in runes and given Omega an Enchanted Battle Staff of Fire, stopped by to commit another act of unprovoked generosity: He offered Omega a choice of Rune Kite and Rune Battle, or Rune 2hander! We offered to pay for the R2H, but Roxsolid wouldn’t hear of it. Thank you, Sir!
Within minutes, Omegawytch had reached 40 and was hitting 6s with the Rune 2hander. “Wewtness!” she exclaimed.
But Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man gets pretty boring after a while.
“There’s a door in Yanille which requires level 82 Thieving to pick,” I told Omega. “It’s supposed to be a short cut into the Agility Dungeon. Shall we see what’s there?”
“Great idea! Let’s go,” said Omegawytch.
What we found were Chaos Druids, and few other players. We alternated between Chaos Druid after Chaos Druid after Chaos Druid after Chaos Druid after Chaos Druid and Man after Man after Man after Man after Man after Man…
As we neared 50 Attack, we were back at the Chaos Druids– and who should appear but Mystique777, who has been taking a break from Mining to train Agility.
Shortly after Omegawytch reached her goal, Mystique obtained her first Sinister Key. Very nice accomplishment by a very nice person!
Darksavior69 had sent several PMs as Omega neared the goal: “You need to check out Zenesha’s Brass Bra Bazaar!” Now, goal achieved, we were headed for Ardougne anyway.
Someone– actually at least four Someones– had herded all of the Ardougne Square merchants into Zenesha’s Brass Br– er, Plate Mail Top Shop. That would certainly make their stalls easy pickings for thieves!
But that was of little immediate interest to Omegawych, who was eager to punish predators pouncing on her pocket picking prey by casting the Iban Blast spell. Omega started picking the Hero’s pocket, and predators started pouncing.
Omegawytch got two kills, failed to get a third, and ran out of charges after casting the first Iban Blast on the fourth Hero.
“Hey,” she exclaimed, “you told me it discharges after 30 spells– that’s only 25!”
“I am truly sorry,” I said contritely. “That’s what I get for repeating something I read on Scapeboard without checking it for myself.”
We headed back through the Underground Pass to the Flames of Zamorak.
We then gathered three broken staves from one of the Disciples. As the Staff of Iban was the only weapon we had brought, Omegawytch had to use her fists.
Back in Ardougne, we paid the Dark Mage 200,000 GP to repair one of the broken staves. We banked; the two broken staves stacked, and the newly repaired staff stacked with the freshly charged one. So far, so good.
We then withdrew the two functioning staves, 50 Death runes, and 250 Fires, and started picking the Hero’s pocket. Whenever a Late Starting Thinker attacked, Omegawytch cast Iban Blast. Again, after 25 spells, I got the message, “You need to recharge the Staff of Iban at Iban’s Temple.”
We switched to the second staff– and got the same message. We switched several more times, with the same result. We banked, and the two staves again stacked.
That was when Omegawytch started screaming.
“This is nothing but a toy! I’M RUUUUUUUUUUINED!”
Omegawytch would have to make a trip to the Flames of Zamorak every 25 Iban Blasts, gaining NO Agility XP for her pains, no matter how many staves she owned. She was absolutely right: The spell and staff are a toy, not a tool.
“I’m just relieved that we didn’t throw good money after bad by paying the Dark Mage to repair the other two broken staves,” I said.
“(Selfcensored) the money!” screamed Omegawytch. (What good would it do to be physically intimate with money?) “My lovely low Combat level is gone– now it’s a disgusting, bloated 53! And now that I’ve lost my figure, you’re going to dump me and go back to 56warrior, just like you’ve abandoned those other six characters! I’M RUUUUUUUUUUINED!”
There are times to be tender; there are times to be tough.
“Omegawytch!” I barked. “I paid for a full year membership for you two months ago today. Do you really think I’m going to waste ten months of membership?”
“You… You’re really not going to dump me?”
“Not a chance! We’ve still got stuff to prove, and we’re starting now!”
I clicked on the Banker. “We’re going to take your Gauntlets of Chaos, the Enchanted Battle Staff of Fire which Roxsolid123 gave you, which you’ve never used, and runes for 300 Fire Bolts,” I told her, withdrawing the items, “and we’re going to pay a visit to the Blood Rune Chests.”
Omegawytch had looted the Chests before, starting at only 30 Combat. In fact, she had stolen more than 400 Blood runes and sold them, one of many ways she raised the money to pay for her Dragon Medium. But the going had been tough; looting the Chests had been possible only if no one else was doing so. I suspected it would be different this time.
When we arrived, we found one trainer, whose name I’ve forgotten, and one other thief, Darkhighlord, who asked if we could split the chests. “You take the back, I’ll take the front.”
That suited us just fine.
It was different this time– very different! With higher Defense, more HP, and better armor, Omegawytch wasn’t taking nearly the pounding the Ogres had inflicted on earlier trips. She was hitting 5s on the Ogres with the Enchanted Battle, while hitting 7s with Fire Bolts. The Big Bones began piling up…
The temptation was too strong. As we were teleported out of the dungeon after looting a Chest, I told Omega, “We’re going to bury them.”
Thanks, Darkhighlord! You’re in one now.
Darkhighlord had to log out, leaving both Blood Chests to Omegawytch. That suited us just fine. The 300 Fire Bolts and 20 Cakes we had brought ran out at the same time, shortly after Omegawytch gained a Magic level.
The trip to the Chests had netted 40 Blood Runes, 10,000 GP, and nearly a Thieving level. Both of us hate loose ends…
As we banked, I did a little arithmetic. “Only 10.3 million to go,” I said to myself. But Omegawytch heard me.
“Boss!” she exclaimed, “you don’t mean–”
“I most certainly do! Why would I lie, to you, about that? And don’t call me that– we both know who wears the Runite pants in this outfit!”
Omegawytch, for once in her short but eventful life, was speechless.
56warrior
Notes
All images in this chapter sadly seem to have been lost; they are not present in the RsInn archive.