Chapter 15: Underground Pass Quest
“Would you puh-LEEZ hurry up!” commanded Omegawytch.
“Patience, please, Boss,” I replied
“Don’t call me that! We both know who controls the mouse in this outfit.”
“Well, if I’m the Boss, could you please give me a few minutes to do Boss stuff?”
“Like what?” demanded Omegawytch.
“Like packing. The Underground Pass quest is long, difficult, and dangerous. 56warrior got very low on both food and hitpoints several times– not from fighting monsters, but from the traps and falls. And 56’s Agility is 45, to your 32–”
“And 56 has 80 hits, to my 49,” interrupted Omegawytch icily. “I am well aware of 56warrior’s superiority to me in every skill except Thiev–”
“See where this mouse cursor is?” I asked sweetly, hovering it over Log Out.
“Yes, Boss,” responded Omegawytch, quietly. Very quietly.
We both know who wears the Runite pants in this outfit, but I let it slide this time.
“We’re taking Chocolate Cakes,” I continued, as though I hadn’t been interrupted. “Fifteen HP per inventory space is the best we can do, unless you want me to try to rustle up some Pineapple Pizzas, Curry, or Shark.”
“No, no!” exclaimed Omegawytch. “Chocolate cakes will be fine!”
“‘K, there are some items we have to take: Bow, arrows, tinderbox, pickaxe. Since we want to take as much food as possible, we need to be picky about armor, weapon, spells, and amulet.
“We have to kill three demons,” I continued, “so I think we should take Silverlight.”
“Definitely,” affirmed Omegawytch intently; armor, weapons, spells, and amulets are her territory.
“I’m thinking three items. You’ve never died yet, but you’ve never even been on an Agility course that bites yet, either. I’m thinking Rune Plate and Legs, for maximum protection from two pieces, and Dragonstone ammy, in case we need to tele out.”
“Ooh, it’ll be so nice to wear my plate again! I’ve been wearing this chain ever since I killed Chronozon and got my Gauntlets of Chaos. It makes me look like a boy, and kind of… squishes me,” she said, glancing down.
“I think,” I said gently, “that it might be best if we leave your Dragon Medium in the bank. Want to wear a Rune Medium?”
“No,” she said, instantly and emphatically. “They’re almost as precious to me as the Drag Med. But I really don’t want to go bareheaded. Could we sacrifice one Chocolate Cake for a Wizardshat?”
“Of course, Babe,” I replied, meaning, Of course, Boss. “Now, what spells? We’re low on Blood runes after killing the Grand Tree quest demon. Want to visit the chests before we go?”
“No,” she said, instantly and emphatically. “My Magic level is too low to make the best use of them.”
“Thanks to your virtuosity as a Hero pocket picker, we have plenty of Death runes–”
“No,” she said, instantly and emphatically, and her eyes were little black dots. “We’re saving those to Iban Blast the Hero when Late Starting Thinkers attack him.”
“Then it looks like Fire Bolts. Thanks to your virtuosity as a Paladin pocket picker, we have plenty of Chaos runes, but we only have 600 Air runes. Want to buy some before we leave?”
“No,” she said, instantly and emphatically. Then, she seemed to reconsider. “How many monsters do we have to kill?”
“Three Paladins, a truly enormous level 78 spider, and the three demons I mentioned– two 78s and a 98. Think we’ll need more than 200 Fire Bolts?”
“No,” she said, instantly and emphatically. “You always pack way too many runes. Two hundred should do it nicely.”
“Plate, legs, hat, ammy, Fire Staff, 200 Chaos, 600 Air, bow, arrows, pickaxe, tinderbox, Silverlight… That leaves room for 18 Chocolate Cakes… I think we’re ready.”
“WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!” whooped Omegawytch.
We encountered our first obstacle before we even reached the cavern entrance: The swarm of level 24 Zombies in the West Ardougne graveyard. We’d retreat every 2.5 rounds, only to be accosted by another. I literally hadn’t even noticed the Zombies when I did the quest with 56warrior.
“You know, if you were just one combat level higher, these creeps wouldn’t be attacking you.”
“You know, if you weren’t so concerned about me doing everything at the lowest possible level, I’d be quite a few combat levels higher.”
I made the only appropriate reply, which of course was no reply at all.
We reached the bridge with Omegawytch at full hit points, and had to drop a Chocolate Cake to make room for the Damp Cloth.
“You and your food,” Omegawytch murmured demurely.
“56warrior was down 16 HP by this point. Your turn will come.”
Omegawytch’s turn came at the Grill. Though I was certain I was retracing 56warrior’s successful path, Omega had consumed four cakes by the time we reached the Furnace. I heard no more about food from her for a long time.
“These level 14 Blessed Vermen sure seem to have a lot more than 14 hit points,” commented Omegawytch.
“Twenty-nine or 30, I think.”
“That’s about right,” said Omega as she finished one off.
Omegawytch’s luck with the traps and falls was as good as 56warrior’s had been bad, and we were soon at the Paladins.
“It’s a shame I have to kill them instead of pick them,” said Omegawytch.
“You can’t pick these three– it’s not a menu option,” I told her.
“Well, in that case…” said Omega, and let fly with a Fire Bolt.
Two Paladins down, two of the required items in inventory. Omegawytch killed the third.
“Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“‘You search the Paladin’s remains… but find nothing.’”
“So what’s the big deal?” asked Omega, firing at a fourth.
“Rune supply.”
“Oh.”
As we pitched the items into the Flame, Omegawytch suddenly exclaimed, “What dunces we are!”
“What do you mean?”
“If I’d worn chain and Gauntlets of Chaos, instead of plate and Wizardshat, my Fire Bolts would be doing a lot more damage, and we wouldn’t have to worry about running out.”
“No sense worrying about it now. Let’s just go as far as we can. If we have to, we can always tele out, get more runes, change your gear, and come back.”
“You’re right, of course.”
“Of course.”
We opened the gates, started down the steps, and promptly fell. Omegawytch took only 14 damage, compared to the 21s 56warrior took in falls during this part of the quest.
We gathered the required items swiftly and efficiently. Omegawytch loved Klank’s Gauntlets, and insisted on taking several pairs.
We gathered the four Elements in the order of their appearance in the book, so the enormous level 78 spider was the first victim of Omega’s Fire Bolts. Omega took little damage, and the rune supply was… marginal. So far, so good…
On to the demons. A red level 78 was the first; Omega took little damage, and the rune supply was… dwindling. So far, so good…
Next was the big guy: A black level 98.
Omega took little damage, and the rune supply was… iffy. So far, so good…
The last demon was another red level 78. Omega took little damage, and the rune supply was… gone, with two or three hits remaining. One more tap from the Fire Staff was all it took.
Giddy from the close call, we headed for the fourth element, and promptly fell.
“Since we’re down here anyway,” said Omegawytch, “I want some more gauntlets!”
“Why? They don’t do a thing your Gauntlets of Chaos don’t do!”
“Because I can get them now, and I’ll never be able to get them again.”
Well, why not, I thought; unlike 56warrior, Omegawytch isn’t yet hurting for bank space. “OK, whatever you say, Boss.”
“Don’t call me that!” Then we chanted, in unison: “We both know who controls the mouse in this outfit,” and burst into laughter.
We quickly collected the final element and were soon near the Temple. With the runes all gone, Omegawytch had to rely upon her Fire Staff to slay a level 19 Disciple.
“Brawn meets brawn?”
“Brawn over bald.”
The first time 56warrior pitched the completed doll into the Pit, she was blown out of the Temple without collecting the reward, and I had tasted bile for two hours until her second attempt succeeded. But Omegawytch collected her coveted Staff of Iban on the first try.
“Hey! Where are your runes?”
Then Omegawytch exclaimed, “You and your food!” as I exclaimed, “You and your gauntlets!” With only one inventory space open, Omega had her staff, but the runes had fallen to the ground. We found them, propped up against a stalagtite. Omega had taken 18 damage from the Iban Blasts; eating two Salmon neatly made room for the runes without wasting food.
We were swiftly back in the company of the King of East Ardougne.
And, yes, we really did find the runes.
“May I ask a favor?”
“Of course, O Mighty Mage,” I smiled.
“I imagine that you’re anxious to type this up, but– could I train for just a little while before you do?”
“Of course, O Mighty Mage,” I smiled. “How about we go to Edgeville Dungeon and thwack some Thugs?”
“Thanks, Boss.”
“Don’t call me that!” Then we chanted, in unison: “We both know who wears the Runite pants in this outfit,” and burst into laughter.
56warrior
