Chapter 14: Grand Tree Quest
“You didn’t log into me all day! Where were you?” demanded Omegawytch.
“I was playing 56warrior. The game was updated, and I did the new quest.”
“All day…” she drawled. Was that a touch of green in her eyes?
“All day and into the night. The quest is very long, very tough, and consists chiefly in figuring out ways around swamps, spear traps, spike pits, and just plain falls, and then getting caught anyway. And I lost a couple hours to a truly obnoxious bug at the end.”
“And just what was the reward for all this suffering?”
“A ‘slightly magical stick,’” I muttered, as we strode into Ardougne square toward the Hero spawn.
“A new staff! What does it do?” asked Omegawytch, as she attempted to pick the Hero’s pocket.
“It’s two-handed, so you can’t wear a shield. It can only be used for one type of spell. It discharges after 30 spells, and you have to repeat most of the quest to recharge it. If you die, you lose it, and you have to repeat even more of the quest to get a broken replacement. And then you have to spend 200 k GP to get a mage to fix it,” I replied, as a man clad in Zamorak robes and wielding a flaming tree branch sent a skull flying at the Hero, hitting for 15.
“WHAT WAS THAT?!”
“That was the new spell,” I replied weakly.
There was silence for a moment. Then, in that quiet tone of voice normally heard only by married men suspected of infidelity, Omegawytch commanded, “Continue.”
“The Staff of Iban requires 50 Attack to wield, and the Iban Blast spell requires 50 Magic to cast.”
“How do you know about the Attack and Magic requirements?”
“I emailed Jagex Customer Support.”
There was silence for another three years. Well, it seemed that way.
“I’m a level 67 mage,” stated Omegawytch, in that same scorned-woman tone of voice. “I need eight more levels before I can cast Fire Wave, and more than that before I can cast it reliably. Fire Wave hits for a maximum of 10. And you’re telling me that a level 50 newbie mage can hit for 15 with this new spell.”
“Sixteen,” I mumbled.
“I want that staff!”
“Each Iban Blast requires a Death rune. You can steal all the Chaos and Blood runes you want, but Death runes are pretty scarce.”
“Heroes give me Death runes.”
“Not many!”
“Maybe they give more since the update. Jagex surely knows demand will be way up. Let’s find out,” said Omegawytch, as she chased a newly spawned Hero into the little room south of the south bank.
We had to make numerous food runs, carefully closing the door to keep the Hero trapped, but, miraculously, no one interfered. Everything after the Air Staff except the cakes came from the Hero.
“That’s way more Death runes than I ever got before,” commented Omegawytch, needlessly. The Hero had left Omegawytch just a little shy of a Thieving level, so she pounced on a Paladin.
“True,” I replied, “but it could have been just good luck.”
“It could have been just bad luck that I’ve gotten so few before.”
“We’ll try again tomorrow. If we keep getting Death runes at the rate we did today, you can do the new quest.”
We tried several servers the next day before finding one that wasn’t impossibly laggy. Unfortunately, on that server, a player named A 56 was training at the Hero spawn. I tried to explain to him that no one can pick the Hero’s pocket when he’s under attack, and that there’s only one Hero in Runescape.
“There are two,” he replied. “The other is named A 56.”
“I’ll show you a 56,” I typed. I logged out of Omegawytch and into 56warrior.
“Oh, another 56,” said A 56.
“I told you I’d show you a 56,” I replied, firing Adam-tipped arrows at the Hero A 56 was attacking.
As I shot, I tried to explain that a live Hero is much more valuable to a level 80-plus thief than to a trainer. A pickpocket gets Diamonds, Fire Orbs, Death and Blood runes, and GP; a trainer gets bones. But A 56 was a Very Slow Learner.
“Go steal from the Blood rune chest!” said A 56.
“A 56 dictates to the 56 how to play the game?” I replied.
It took a very long time, and quite a few Adam arrows, but eventually A 56 disappeared. 56warrior chased a near-dead Hero into Zenesha’s Brass Bra Bazaar– er, Plate Mail Top Shop, and carefully closed the door. I logged out of 56 and back into Omegawytch.
Omegawytch wasn’t speaking. Methodically, she picked the Hero’s pocket, periodically leaving the shop to loot the Gems Stall, then returning to the Hero.
Suddenly, A 56 opened the shop door, killed the near-dead Hero with a single stroke, and disappeared. “Here we go again,” I said, logging out of Omegawytch and into 56warrior.
I didn’t see A 56 again. The next Hero again trotted into Zenesha’s shop, again near death. I carefully closed the door, logged out of 56, and logged back into Omegawytch. Omegawytch still wasn’t speaking.
Finally, after banking the loot, Omegawytch turned to me, the fire in her eyes making her Dragon Medium look like bronze. In that same quiet, flat, scorned-woman tone of voice, she asked, “What was the maximum 56warrior hit with those Adam arrows?”
“Fourteen.”
“And what could I hit with Iban Blast?”
“Put on something black. We have some training to do.” I may be hard-headed, but I know when I’m beaten.
“How high does my Agility have to be for the quest?”
“Cloaksim said she did it at 32 Agility. We’re stopping here at 25 because we’ll get some more from other quests. There’s also a 25 Ranged requirement.”
As Omegawytch ranged Gnome Troops, I got a PM from Roxsolid123, who seems to be making a RS career out of being generous to Omega. A few moments later, Roxsolid appeared with more Chaos runes– and an Enchanted Battlestaff of Fire! I was so overwhelmed I didn’t even think about making a screen shot. Thank you, Sir!
“So I have to do other quests before I can do the new one?”
“Yes, three of them,” I told Omegawytch. “Biohazard is a requirement. It’s long and demands a lot of walking, but not dangerous. The other two involve fighting high level monsters. I want you to defeat them at the lowest levels you can, before we start training Attack to wield the new staff– and the Enchanted Fire Battle Roxsolid just gave you. Besides, you’ll gain a bunch of Attack levels from the quests, which will cut down on the training drudgery.”
“Big monsters,” said Omegawytch. The light in her eyes told me I was off her dragon doo doo list. “I’ve never died to one yet, Boss.”
“Don’t call me that! We both know who wears the Runite pants in this outfit.”
I’d forgotten how thoroughly delightful the Tree Gnome Village quest was. It was a treat to be amused by the third tracker’s riddle again. We tried maging the Khazard Warlord while fighting one of his attendant Warriors– the same idea we used to defeat Chronozon while fighting a Poison Spider– but the Warlord kept roaming out of spell casting distance. After bludgeoning the Warrior to death, we decided to engage the Warlord directly; after all, he was only level 100.
Killing the Warlord was a piece of cake. Well, two and two thirds cakes, actually, but that included healing the damage done by the Warrior. Omegawytch gained a Magic level in the process. We were soon collecting the Thief’s Best Friend, a Gnome Emerald Amulet of Protection, from King Bolren.
“W00tness!” said Omegawytch, “Fewer food runs while thieving!”
We immediately took advantage of our newly earned Spirit Tree teleportation privilege, jumping to the Tree Gnome Stronghold to begin the Grand Tree Quest.
“So how am I going to kill this level 175 demon?” Omegawytch inquired, as we trudged from the Karamja shipyard to the Ardougne ferry dock.
“Brain beats brawn, Babe,” I reminded her. “Loraxx just finished the new quest, and has graciously consented to block for us.”
“So basically you want me to be a rock?” said Loraxx, dropping King Worms and Swamp Toads as Glough was introducing Omegawytch to his “little friend.”
“Pretty much,” I replied.
“Thinks rocklike thoughts,” Loraxx typed, as the demon appeared.
Yeah, that’s a BIG demon. For the record, Omegawytch cast 54 Wind Wave spells to kill it.
“Whadja get? Huh? Huh? Huh?” asked Loraxx, as the demon disappeared into a small pile of ashes.
“Guam leaf.”
“Brain beats brawn. Again. Yawn,” said Omegawytch, yawning.
“Sigh I just love a good anticlimax,” I typed, as we began the search for the final Daconia rock. Luck was good: We found it after searching only eight or nine of the Grand Tree’s roots, and were soon presenting it to King Narnode Shareen/Shareem.
“I suppose you’ll have to type this all up before I get to do the new quest,” said Omegawytch.
“You got it! These things don’t write themselves, you know… and as a typist, you’re a helluva thief…”
“Well, you be sure to thank Loraxx for me! Blocking is just plain boring, and it was very generous of her to do that for us,” said Omegawytch. “Besides,” she giggled, “Loraxx is funny! ‘Thinks rocklike thoughts!’”
“You got it!”
Suddenly serious, Omegawytch said, “And tell Roxsolid123 I’m deeply, deeply grateful for the Enchanted Battlestaff of Fire!”
“You got it, Boss.” We both know who wears the Runite pants in this outfit.
56warrior
Notes
Seven images in this chapter sadly seem to have been lost; they are not present in the RsInn archive.